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25 April 2006 @ 05:38 pm
splinteredtrees will continue here

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When I woke up it was to the sound of loud voices downstairs in the lobby. At first I tried to just ignore it and go back to sleep but Gunn's insistant voice kept creeping back into my skull. Creeping? Drilling a hole was more like it and that was saying something when you had a history of migraines as long as I had. What was his problem now? Pushing myself up I realized I had fallen asleep in Angel's bed and then just like I knew it would? Like I hoped it wouldn't? The last few days came rushing back to me. If only I could have hid inside that little window of just waking up ignorance-is-bliss things my head probably wouldn't feel like it just had a ton of bricks dropped on top of it.

I couldn't even believe I'd gotten any sleep at all and I frowned when I looked at the alarm clock. Gunn and Willow had promised to come back the next day to help us with our little Beast problems. I was surprised that Gunn had come back at all, as distraught over Fred as he was. Bastard. Like the rest of us weren't upset about Fred too not to mention Angel. I couldn't really blame him though. He and Fred had a relationship that for some reason Wes seemed to come between all the time. I didn't have all the details obviously. I was a little too busy boning Angel's son. I cringed just thinking about Connor. Right. Cause the way to deal with being freaked out over seeing the entire world from on high was to screw my sort of maybe boyfriend's son. My logic was stellar these days. Oh well, at least I had sarcasm to fall back on.

Getting out of bed I wondered if Connor had finally come back too. I hoped so because if he hadn't? I knew that I was going to have to actually go out there and find him before he did something astronmically stupid. I didn't blame him, things were hard right now. Beyond the telling of it and Connor didn't have any answers to the questions that were burning through him. I'd done absolutely nothing to help with that in our little not-so-much a relationship. If I could take it back I would. If I could help him, stop hurting him. Stop hurting Wes, if I could apologize to Angel things would be better. Than maybe I wouldn't be sitting in the dark with a lobby full of broken people yelling at eachother downstairs.

Except Willow of course. I was sure she'd run back to Little Miss Likes To Fight and tell her about how badly Wesley and I were screwing things up here. Then Buffy could sit on her little self-righteous cloud on high and condemn the people she'd known were bad news since the very beginning. I knew I wasn't being entirely fair considering the relationship Buffy and Angel had and the fact that he was dead now but I badly wanted to make Buffy into the bad guy here. Even though I was the one who kept making all the wrong decisions. Buffy couldn't exactly take the fall for me and Wesley this time. Not that any of this was Wesley's fault but I knew that wasn't how she'd see it.

With a sigh I stood up and walked across the hall to my own room. Frowning I glanced in the mirror and made a face at my bed-hair. Pressing my palms flat against the long dark strands I combed them out with my hands before taking off the dirty clothes and pulling on a pair of dark training pants and a clean shirt. Time to face the calvary and figure out how we were going to stop The Beast. And we had to. If not for us and the people in L.A. but for Angel. It's what he would have wanted. It was what Fred would have wanted.

Preparing myself for the worst I headed down the stairs into the lobby. The first thing I saw was Gunn and Wes arguing near the door. Please tell me we weren't back to that. We weren't going to be able to fight The Beast if were too busy fighting with eachother. Willow stood near the lobby desk with her brow furrowed, looking more than anxious as she glanced between Wes and Gunn. To my relief Connor was standing near her, he met my eyes for a brief second before quickly looking back down at the floor.

We were a mess.
 
 
Current Music: 2 AM- Anna Nalick
 
 
26 September 2005 @ 03:57 pm
PonderingsCollapse )
 
 
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
 
 
12 August 2005 @ 01:47 am
I held onto the bars, one hand on my throat as I gasped and coughed. My heart was pounding so loudly that I wasn't sure how it didn't deafen the two of them with their special supersonic bat hearing. Vampire hearing. Whatever. All I could do was stare at them as Angelus shoved Wesley down the sewer opening. Oh, thank God. They really were going to just leave me here and as much as I thought being locked in a cage sucked royally? The thought of being turned into the walking dead was way more terrifying. I personally was a fan of being able to walk into the sun any time I wanted to. You didn't get this perfect tan by sitting around and sucking on blood. I sighed. Because you didn't get a tan at all when it was permanant midnight in the City of Angels. Angels. That was funny.

"Don't worry, Kitten. I wasn't lying when I said that we'd be back for you. Told you I had plans for you both." Angelus eyes me and licked his bottom lip before winking and disappearing into the sewers behind Wesley.

Squeezing my eyes shut I held onto the bars and held my breath for at least a minute or so. I could hear the loud pounding of my pulse in my head as I thought about how horribly this had just gone. If only I hadn't spied Connor on the stairs, he would have been there waiting. He could have fought Angelus, and then Wesley wouldn't have escaped. There was always the possibility that Angelus or Connor would kill eachother but I was hoping that Connor meant to much to Angelus and that Connor would heed my request of not killing his father. Besides, even that was better than being locked in the cage that had just held my best friend. He should still be in here. I should be trying to help him.

How on Earth was I going to help him?

Still keeping my eyes closed I finally let myself just embrace the icktastic vision I'd had that had warned me away from Wesley in the first place. It was horrible and just thinking about what I could have become made my stomach turn. But maybe there was some kind of clue in it that could help me. And that was when the answer hit me like a freight train. Of course. In the vision Wesley and I had gone to see a shaman in Chinatown who had restored Angel's soul. We wanted to torment him, we wanted him to suffer. Now I just wanted to save my boys. I would. I had to.

"Connor!" I yelled out once and it took him all of two seconds until I was scrambling down the stairs, a worried look on his face.

"Cordy, what happened?" Connor asked concerned as he walked over and attempted to pull open the cage door.

"Angelus was here. He let Wesley out and they both took off." I admitted grimly. "They took the key with them. You're going to have to somehow get me out of here though." Wesley had put the cage together and we'd all watched different parts of the process. I was sure Connor would figure out how to get me out of here.

"I'm sorry. I should have been here. My father shouldn't have been able to surprise us like this. I just don't understand why they would lock me in here." He frowned as he tested the bars by yanking on them. Hello! This cage had been built to hold Angelus. Connor wasn't going to be able to just pull the bars away.

"They said they'd be back for me so I'd really like to not be here when they do that." I gave him a pointed look as he looked at me with...this look in his eyes. Hey! I knew that look. "I have an idea. I know how to get their souls back." I said, looking straight into his eyes before he got any bright ideas about using me as bait. My bait girl days were long over.

He nodded at me and it wasn't much longer before he had that weldy thing and was breaking apart the cage. This was a problem from the standpoint that we couldn't really hold anymore vampires that used to be friends of ours down here. That was okay though because I knew how to save them both. I just had to go and visit the nice Shaman. It was upsetting that I couldn't stop either one of them from doing the things that they would surely regret later but their torment was only a small issue in the grand scheme of things right now. We needed them.



It took me awhile to convince Connor that I knew what I was doing and as much as I wanted him to come with me, I knew that he had to stay here. Angelus and Wesley expected to come back and find me in a cage and instead they'd find Connor laying in wait for them. I'd made him promise again that he wouldn't do anything stupid. If they showed up he should dart them out and make sure they stay out until I could go see one Mr. Hoe-Lang. A Shaman in Chinatown. The one from my vision who had granted Angel his soul returned to him. So that Wesley and I could torment him with his dead son. I couldn't even think about that....I just had to fix this. I walked inside the small shop, remembering what Wesley had said to the man behind the counter. I could do this. I had to do this.

"Just give him this. He'll want to see me." I mimicked Wesley's exact words as I pushed an Angel Investigations business card towards the squat old man. The old man nodded at me before disappearing behind the curtain. Everything looked the same, all of the pretty things spread out in the shop. Now I was looking at them through wide eyes. Noticing how expensive they were instead of thinking about how easy it was to just make everything mine. Okay, I really had to stop thinking about this.

"He will see you now." The shopkeepers voice startled me as he approached from behind the curtain. He would see me now. You mean...this was actually working? Well, so far anyway.

Gingerly I stepped beyond the beaded curtains only to face the same little Asian man sitting cross-legged on an Oriental rug exactly as he had in my vision. I sat down across from him just as Wesley had done in the vision.

"You escape death." He said after a minute of looking me over. Okay, could this get any creepier? "You wish to undo what has been done."

"Yes, my friends are in trouble and I don't know who else to turn to for help. My friends...they need to be re-ensouled and I have it on good authority that you are the man to see about this." Good authority, as if the ptbs even counted anymore.

"Your friends. They already die. I cannot help you."

"You can't help me, my ass, Buster! I get visions, I see the future and I know you can do this spell. All I need for you to do is reensoul them. I'll pay...of course." If the asking price wasn't that high. There wasn't a price too high to save my friends unless it I had to rob a bank or something. And even then? I'd probably do it.

"I cannot do this, Child. The Thesulan Orb is rare and only one in stock." He held up one finger as if I couldn't understand his broken English or something.

"Well, how long until we can find another one?" I asked him impatiently. One. One!? One Orb of Thesulla and two vampires that needed their souls back. Crap! What was I supposed to do now? The vision hadn't covered this part.

"I know not. The Orb is very rare." He reiterated. "You must choose one."

I buried my head in my hands because this was like asking me to choose between my right arm and my left arm. How was I supposed to choose between my two best friends? God, I couldn't believe this was happening, the vision hadn't covered this part. I was going to have to sacrifice one of them, at least until another Orb could be found. That was the ticket. Just keep convincing myself that I was only selling one of them out temporarily. The answer should be easy. Angel was the Champion. Angel was the man manpire that I loved. I wanted Angel back so desperately that I felt it in my bones, just to look at him one more time and apologize for how I'd completely screwed everything up. When I came back I couldn't remember who I was and then Connor was there and....Wesley wasn't wrong. I'd betrayed Angel. I'd slept with his son. I badly needed to apologize for that, to tell him all the things I'd meant to tell him that night by the beach. I needed to.

It wouldn't be the first time I'd turned my back on Wesley for Angel. We'd all turned our backs on him after he'd stolen Connor away from his father. Who had been more wrong? Wesley for stealing Angel's son or me for fucking him. Suddenly I knew the answer and really it was more about Angel. Angel would never forgive himself for killing Fred and Wesley. But he hadn't just killed Wesley, he'd turned him into a monster. If Angel were here he'd tell me to choose Wesley and not him. I knew that he would. God, I didn't know what to do!

"Wesley. Reensoul Wesley." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. Just kept trying to convince myself that this was in everybody's best interest. It was only temporary. We could find another Orb and then we could stop Angelus too. I hope.

The Shaman and I worked out a payment and I was assured that within a matter of hours Wesley would have his soul returned to him. I wondered idly where he was and hoped that he would be okay when he came to. I hoped that Angelus wouldn't seize on the moment and end up staking him. Then it really would all be for nothing. It was an enormous gamble but it had to be done. I had no choice.

I walked briskly back to the car, Angel's car just wanting to be back and safe at the hotel. Check on Connor and see if he had any unexpected visitors. Instead I stopped short in front of my car when I saw who was lounging against the driver's door with a deadly smirk on his face.

"Angelus." I said in a flat voice, closing my fingers around the stake in my pocket. I'd do it if I had to. He knew that I would, and his eyes went directly to my hand. Great. Just as soon as I'd said the word I turned on my heels and began running back towards the shop. As if the Shaman could or would do anything to protect me. I didn't even have the chance to make it that way before cold hands were on me, twisting my wrist until the stake fell uselessly to the pavement with a clank and I felt myself being dragged away. He threw me into the car and shoved me over to the passenger seat as he climbed into the driver's seat and quickly hit the locks before I could even scramble upright again.

"It's good to be back behind the wheel of my own car." He said jovially as he started the engine and glanced over at me. "Remember that promise you made me, Cordy?" A cackle escaped his lips as I pressed myself as far into the door as I could possibly go. "Let's go for a ride, baby." With that he pressed his foot on the pedal and we were taking off to...I didn't even want to know where.
 
 
05 August 2005 @ 01:23 pm
Continued from Here

Say a little prayer for meCollapse )
 
 
Current Mood: pensivepensive
 
 
 
After we'd drained every last drop from the slayer's body, we packaged her up so pretty just like Wesley said we would. Bitch had it coming to her, and quite frankly I was glad to be rid of her. Besides, one dead slayer only meant that the next one would be called, right? I had the feeling that Wesley and I would be spending alot of time chasing after slayers and making them bleed. Maybe next time I'd actually get the hunt he'd promised me. Until then I knew the two of us would have so much fun making Angel suffer just a little bit more everyday. Someone really should just stake that vampire and put him out of his misery. The soul on him made my stomach turn and it took almost all of my willpower not to just end him on the spot. Wesley seemed to have a flair for torture though, so I'd let him play out the games that I knew would prove to be at least mildly amusing. Packaging up Faith and leaving her on his doorstep was a nice touch, just the bow on the package after the two of us had killed Connor. Well, who was I to be modest? I was the one who killed Connor. His blood was sweetest of all. I knew as time went on that Angel would inevitably find some way to bring back the sun, but I knew that he'd never have the strength to stake the two of us. Not really. The two of us were going to be his worst creation yet and that was saying something for the vampire who'd fathered Connor.

When I came to, I was laying somewhere on the floor in the office with my head cradled in my hands. Angelus had already left and I was just....tilting my head curiously to the side, I slowly stood up and walked into the bathroom. Looking in the mirror over the sink I glanced at the side of my neck. No marks. No bite marks, no fangs, no evil disgusting urges to drink blood. Eww. I had thought I'd seen the last of those with the whole demon spawn thing, and drinking the blood in Angel's fridge had really been the most pleasurable part of that whole experience. Well, maybe not the most pleasurable because that would have to go to the....

Okay, time to focus, Chase. You've just been threatened by Angelus followed promptly by a vision featuring you and Wesley as the creepy King and Queen of Evilville. God, I could still feel it too. The way it'd all felt, the power, the hunger, getting off on all that pain. Not exactly the most pleasant of thoughts, and now I was going to have to find some way to fix this. That was a really long vision, possibly the longest one I'd ever had barring the never ending vision from my recent stint as pointless power that be. I was almost sure that Angel had already sired Wesley, but how could I be completely sure? Was Fred already dead too then? Oh God. I didn't even know how to go about getting in touch with them to warn them. I had to warn Wesley before Angelus got to him, and I had no idea if I'd be too late or not. How did I get ahold of Wesley. Oh, phone! I could call his cellphone! Why hadn't I thought about that before?

Racing into the office I eyed the broken tranq gun with an annoyed sigh. Check. Don't use a faulty weapon when trying not to die. I'd had the vision, I'd learned the lesson. Thanks alot ptbs for not exactly giving me a whole lot of notice. Frantically I pressed Wesley's number into the keypad and let out an annoyed sigh as it just rang and rang before his voicemail picked up. I thought briefly about leaving a message but if Angelus had already gotten to him, that would just be warning him that I was onto the game. He was coming here looking for an easy target. Pffft! Easy target my ass. I'd show him. Hopefully.

"C'mon, Wes! Just pick up!" I exclaimed, redialing his number and rolling my eyes when his voicemail just picked up again. Why wasn't he answering? Was it because Angelus had already turned him? Was he on his way here now? Was Fred already dead?

I got my answer when I heard the lobby door open and shut again.

My eyes widened as I glanced around the office looking for some sort of weapon to use. Crap! Why did the only weapon I could see have to be broken?! It wasn't exactly leaving me on a fair playing field here. Quickly I rushed over to the gun and ripped one of the drugged darts out. So it wasn't exactly a gun but I could stab him with it and it would be just as effective. Carefully I put the dart in my pocket as I looked out into the lobby to see Wesley standing in the shadows.

"Wesley." I fought hard to keep my voice even as I stepped out of the office and gave him my best worried look. I knew how this was going to play itself out. I was supposed to tell him about Lilah and he'd pretend like he actually cared. Then there was the toppled bookshelf and the broken gun followed by the grand exit of Cordelia Chase. Out of this world and into the next.

It wasn't going to happen. Not today, pal. You messed with the wrong vision girl.

"I've been trying to call you." I finished lamely, making sure to keep my distance from him. Eventually I was going to have to either find an escape route and run or get close enough to stab him with the dart. I wasn't sure which was the smarter or the more preferable move. Dammit. Why didn't I grab an axe or something?
 
 
 
18 March 2005 @ 06:41 am
It was strange, the way that feeling clung to my cool skin as I left the Hyperion side by side with Wesley. I didn't understand. For all of my years working beside a vampire you would think that I would know a little bit about them. The fact was, you couldn't really understand what it was like to be a creature of enormous power and strength until you were one. Wesley and I both moved with an effortless grace now, two figures in the shadow of the stars. Despite the strength, the power, the unending bloodlust I could still feel things so deeply. Angel had always been riddled with guilt and sorrow, but I had thought that was because he had that soul shoved into him. I was learning very quickly, and it didn't take a soul to make you feel. It just took blood, pumping through your veins. My heart was cold and dead but I could still bleed. I could still feel.

I didn't know what it was that I had expected. Wesley and I had very deliberately staged that entire scene for Angel. We wanted to hurt him, see him cry, smell his grief. That was the plan. When we had cut Gunn up into tiny pieces we had done it to hurt Angel. When I had drained his son dry and propped his corpse up in his crib it had been to hurt Angel. Yet, disappointment clung to both of us so strongly it almost made me want to wretch. We didn't want to see him cry, we wanted approval. Lost little wayward children that we were, seeking punishment and approval. We would have been better off to leave Angel's soul in the ether where it belonged. Angelus would have no doubt been delighted by the scene we had laid out. But it wasn't about Angelus, it was always about Angel. We would never gain Angel's approval, instead I would have to settle on causing his misery.

The urge to kill and feed again was an immediate need. Connor's blood was strong and rich, but I grew hungry again quickly. Killing someone would ease the disgust I felt for myself. I wanted to be strong, I wanted to learn, but mostly I wanted to kill.....and shop. But shopping would come later, for now Wesley and I had to eat and lick eachother's wounds. Eating and shoes weren't my only needs anymore, and desire rolled off of me as easily as I'd once repressed it.

Linking an arm with Wesley's we strolled down towards a playground in the bad part of town. You would think that the human's in this city would all lock themselves up safe and sound as soon as the sun went on permanant sabatical. But no, you could always find the idiots in the bad section of the city. Mothers running off to work pathetic waitressing jobs that didn't afford them a babysitter. It was my suspicion that we'd find something young and innocent at the playground. As luck would have it, as soon as we approached I stopped on the sidewalk and tilted my head slightly. Sharpened eyes watching a fat little boy swinging back and forth on the swingset. Such a lonely little thing.

"I think he'll taste like peppermint." I said quietly to Wesley, as I watched the lone boy pumping his fat little legs, swinging back and forth.
 
 
09 February 2005 @ 01:00 am
All these new senses were amazingly overwhelming really. It only just now dawns on me why these fledgling vampires are so easy to kill. They are stunned by their new abilities, their new strength and the demon inside them. They are fools who think they are invincible. And would Cordelia and I not be who we were, we might've found ourselves on the end of a pointy piece of wood soon as well. But working along side a vampire, growing up in Sunnydale in Cordelia's case, and being raised as Watcher in my case? We both knew what to expect. But still, it's overwhelming. The constant hunger, the need for violence and revenge, it's all so much stronger now.

I'm not going to deny it hasn't been there before. Well, apart from the hunger for blood that is. I'd be a liar if I said it wasn't there before. The anger, the urge to kill and get what's rightfully yours. But now it's much harder to curb that urge. I think I have to thank my father for being able to do so. I really ought to visit him soon and thank him properly. And Angelus of course. Even though he walked away after he turned me. I know why he did it, out of petty revenge. He turned me into the thing the old me hated with a vengeance. The one thing I was sworn to kill since birth. And a small piece of me hates myself for being such a file creature automatically. But I've hated myself for so long now, it's not hard to ignore that little voice.

I came back for Cordelia, my princess, my precious. She always meant more to me then anything else. I may have loved Fred, but it was Cordelia's dismissal that had hurt the most. I wanted my revenge, and I wanted to hurt Angel. So I took what he saw as his and made it mine. She's mine now, just as it was supposed to be. As if we were destined to be together ever since we saw each other for the first time in Sunnydale. Together we will make them all tremble with fear and respect. Not like Angelus and Darla and the lot. They were vicious, nasty, violent, bloodthirsty. But they lacked class, finesse, style...order. Cordy and I have all that and more.

Our names will go down in several books. The Council will dedicate an entire wing to us. Ah, the Council. If they find out I've been turned, they will send their assassins to get me. There is nothing worse then a vampire Watcher, apart from maybe a vampire Slayer. And I know even more now then most of those wankers of the council. I know where to hit them where it hurts. I know all the games the famous vampires played that proceeded me. I know many ways of torture, more then even Angelus. I know how to keep people alive for days, months, weeks. And Cordelia is a class of her own, she will outshine Darla and Drusilla with ease.

I was waiting in the office while Cordelia had taking up the front desk. All looked normal while we waited for our friends to return. They were going to pay. Gunn and his distrust and disloyalty. Connor who destroyed my life. And Angelus for leaving us like this. I wasn't going to play his little games anymore, he was going to play mine. Would giving him his soul back be cruel? He had to watch how Cordelia and I killed everyone he loved and cared about. And to stop it? He had to kill us, and I can't help but wonder if he can. Hell, he might save us the job and stake himself out of guilt. That wouldn't be please me at all.

Thumbing through a book, I walked over to the office door and glanced out. "Still no sign of them?" I do hope Angelus hasn't beaten them to it. It was then my ears picked up noises coming from the front door. I could tell by the way Cordy perked up, that she heard it as well. "The waiting game is over, my dear." Time to start the real game.
 
 
02 February 2005 @ 09:45 pm
I stopped in my tracks, my eyes locking onto his. Trailing from dark eyes down to the blood stained lips, the limp figure in his arms. Lilah Morgan. I wasn't about to be crying over the death of an evil lawyer, but my heart hurt for Wesley. They had some kind of relationship going on, and I wasn't even entirely sure what that was all about. All I knew was that she meant something to him...and Angelus had just murdered her.

"Oh, I'm sorry. We're you attatched to the ice bitch?" Angelus said, a cruel grin gleaming across his face as he dropped Lilah's body to the floor with a thud. He made no move to advance towards me, but I backed up a few steps anyways. Sure, I was half demon girl now, and I'd learned a thing or two about fighting. But fighting Angelus? "Don't worry Cordy." Taking me in with his eyes he started stepping closer to me, gliding across the floor gracefully. "I haven't forgotten about you, kitten. I have special plans for you."

I had a stake. I had a stake, didn't I? Yes, I did, in my pocket. Fumbling for it, it was quickly jerked out of my grasp as my back hit the wall hard. His face was inches from mine, cold dark eyes peering through me. "I think I'm just going to leave Lilah here, a present to good ol' Wes. What do you think? Think he'll like it? Maybe I should find him and tell him the good news myself." I glared at him, as his fingers idly trailed down my hair. "And you? I'll be back for you." One second he was in my face and then cold lips pressed hard against mine. Then I looked up to see a dark figure jumping from the second floor window and disappearing.

Finally I caught my breathe and glanced down at Lilah's corpse on the floor. Dammit. Not that I was any rush to swoop in and save Lilah but I thought that...I don't know. I was a pretty tought girl if I did say so myself, and I just thought I'd be able to keep it together a little better around Angelus. I guessed nothing prepared me for seeing my best friend that way.

Now there was Connor...and, well I just owed him so damn much. We had to find a way to bury Angelus back inside Angel, so at least I'd have the chance to apologize. I was just scared and confused, and blabbity blah. I didn't know why I was all with the excuses. There were no excuses for the way I'd hurt Angel with Connor.

Heading downstairs I found the tranq gun and kept it held tightly in my hand. If Angelus came back in here to finish the game? Well, I'd be ready for him and I'd put a dart in him before he could say 'blah blah look how scary I am when I can hurt you'. He thought he was scary? Pfffft! I dare Angelus to try sitting through three hours of listening to David Nabbit after he drank a few lattes. Now that was frightening.

Gripping the gun in my hand I walked back towards the office and leaned against the desk. I didn't want to move. I just wanted Wesley, Connor and Gunn to come back. I wanted them to come back dragging unconscious Angelus behind them. Then I wanted to find someone to put a soul back in him, because...well, just because. That was the way things were supposed to be.

Hours, minutes, days ticked by. I didn't know how long it was honestly. It was like living in a vacuum of my own thoughts for a little while. It couldn't have been more then a few hours though because when I heard the lobby door swing open it was still dark outside. Peering out from behind the door, the tranquilizer gun still in one hand it took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. But after a minute I saw one solitary figure standing in the shadows.

"Wesley?"